Do you know how this happened? Great, neither do I
by iffulovedme
Summary: Itachi/Sasuke. Pre-massacre. Itachi is acting strangely but the fact remians that Sasuke will always love him.
1. Omen

Sasuke knows something is wrong when he comes home and Itachi is sitting at the kitchen table instead of in his room with the door shut.

He knows something is very wrong when he says hello and Itachi actually replies and smiles back at him.

Sasuke knows he ought to start running away as fast as he can (though if Itachi wanted to he could probably catch up within seconds) when Itachi continues smiling and asks in a very pleasant tone how Sasuke's presentation on Kunai throwing went.

Sasuke stammers a "Good, thanks Nii-san," and mentally scolds himself, he should be braver. Even if Itachi is acting weird, he will always love his nii-san. So. Sasuke plops himself down on a stool across from Itachi.

"How was your day, nii-san?" he asks. Sasuke is very unnerved. But he is also ecstatic. Because Itachi is acting the way Sasuke has always dreamed. Like a caring older brother. He wonders how long this will last.

"Wonderful, Sasuke. A little boring, but I suppose it will pay off in the end. A ninja never slacks off. You'll remember that, won't you?"

Sasuke nods enthusiastically, trying very hard not to bounce up and down. His stool wobbles.

"I was wondering if you'd like to train this weekend?"

Sasuke is concentrating very hard on balancing, and as the stool sways to the left, Sasuke leans to his right to counterbalance it (Itachi is mildly impressed). What Itachi has just said registers and he abandons his efforts and instead hops off. He leans and puts his elbows on the kitchen counter and feels like his face is about to crack his grin is so wide. He can't seem to decide on how best to express himself so in the end he yells, "I'd love to!"

He propels himself backwards, nearly trips on his own feet, but manages to careen around the table to dive into Itachi. Sasuke wraps his thin arms around Itachi's bony frame and seems quite content to never let go.

"I love you Nii-san! Thank you thank you thank you!"

And Itachi awkwardly pats him, an odd expression on his face. It's like he's feeling two very strong emotions at once and because he does not show affection often, does not know quite what to do. But he has seen his parents do this sort of thing.

So he gently squeezes Sasuke back, wondering what this feeling is called. It's not sadness, and it's not love. Itachi doesn't know what it is. But it doesn't seem to matter, because Sasuke understands this much at least. And he doesn't let go, so Itachi doesn't either. It's nice, Itachi thinks, whatever this is.

Shisui said only two days ago that he loved Itachi, and then when Itachi stared uncomprehendingly at him, Shisui only sighed and muttered things under his breath. And then he sort of hugged Itachi, only it didn't feel as good as it does with Sasuke. And then Shisui kissed him on the lips and cried a little (but not a lot because shinobi aren't supposed to cry) when Itachi only blinked at him. Itachi tenses slightly now, wondering if Sasuke will try to kiss him.

Sasuke and Shisui are both important to Itachi. But Sasuke doesn't want anything from him. Nothing but love. And he doesn't demand it, so that's okay. It's okay, Itachi tells himself as he breathes slowly.

"Itachi?"

Itachi looks down at the spiky locks. "Hmm?"

"I love you."

That's what Shisui said. So Itachi responds the same way he did before. "I know."

But unlike Shisui, Sasuke doesn't pull away. So Itachi figures it's okay to let him hold on a little longer. Sasuke's body is warm and Itachi finds himself shivering as he presses closer. Something about this isn't right, Itachi can tell. And if his parents come home, he'll have to pull away. But he likes the way Sasuke feels nestled against him. And until then, there's no harm. They're brothers and this is what Sasuke has always wanted. And maybe, Itachi has always wanted this too.


	2. Unwritten

Itachi pulls away first because he feels like he should, not because he wants to. He knows Sasuke understands because he grins hugely up at his brother.

"I'm going to go clean my kunai!" Sasuke announces. He gives Itachi a quick squeeze before racing up the stairs.

Itachi stops smiling as soon as Sasuke is gone. And his features slide back into a familiar grimace. He's already making plans to leave. And he knows it's foolish, but he wants to spend his last days in Konoha with Sasuke.

Itachi has calculated what will happen this upcoming weekend.

They'll go training. Sasuke will try his hardest to impress Itachi, who will shower him with praise in hopes that it will make up for all the praise he doesn't get from their parents.

And then the two brothers will sit together, relaxing.

Sasuke will take a nap because Itachi tells him to, and Itachi will watch him sleep. Watch his chest rise and fall steadily. And he will gently push back the black locks that are trademark of the Uchiha clan. And he will…He will kiss his brother. On the lips.

And then he will wake Sasuke up and they will do it again. And again and again. And Sasuke will do it willingly, too.

This is what Itachi imagines. And this is what will happen because Itachi wills it.

But what Itachi does not foresee is the choking sensation, the tightening in his chest that feels like love. But Itachi does not know what love is, so to him it will only hurt.

And Itachi does not cry, just as he does not love. Because he doesn't know how.

And Itachi can't bring himself to say the words goodbye aloud. Because it will make him feel that sensation that he doesn't understand.

Itachi knows he can only move forward, can only grow stronger and faster and be great. But Itachi sometimes thinks he'd rather have the ability to do the former.

He hopes that Sasuke will understands, but feels that choking sensation again ( he will later identify this as regret) because Itachi knows with deadly certainty that Sasuke won't.

Because all of the things that Itachi loves about Sasuke and what Sasuke so admires about Itachi is what will forever separate them.

Sasuke is not Itachi. He does not see the bigger picture. That Itachi can't stay and be the fun loving brother that Sasuke wants him to be. That Itachi can't change his destiny to become a dangerous ninja. That Itachi would rather sacrifice his future in hopes that Sasuke can have the freedom to be Sasuke. Itachi will be all the things he does not want to be so that Sasuke can be whatever he wants. That Itachi will always love Sasuke, even when it seems otherwise. And even if Itachi's love isn't enough for Sasuke, Sasuke will always be enough for Itachi. Always. And that, Itachi thinks, is all that matters.

~Fin


End file.
